


8 Times Vinnie And Cav Made Out For A Mission And The 1 Time They Didn’t

by deathishauntedbyhumans, ForFucksSakeJim, Nerdist, Priestlyislove



Category: Milo Murphy's Law
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Frequent misuse of trees, Heterochromia, M/M, Makeout fakeout, Mutual Pining, Near Death Experiences, POV Multiple, Sexual Humor, Surprise Kissing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 04:50:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13942965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathishauntedbyhumans/pseuds/deathishauntedbyhumans, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForFucksSakeJim/pseuds/ForFucksSakeJim, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nerdist/pseuds/Nerdist, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Priestlyislove/pseuds/Priestlyislove
Summary: It’s strictly professional, until it’s not.





	1. There’s Some Kind of Burning Inside Me, I’m Sure You’ve Seen What It’s Done To My Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! So the plan for this fic is two chapters from each author, then a team up for the last one. Hope you’re ready for a lot of pining. This first one is by Priestlyislove! The unnecessarily lengthy title is from Goodbye, My Danish Sweetheart by Mitski

“And so he says that Fozzie and Walter have quit the muppets, which they haven’t, he tried to kill to them when they found out he wasn’t the real Kermit and they escaped by jumping on a different train-“

“Yes, you already described that scene to me,” Cavendish reminded him without looking up from his device.

Dakota was a little surprised he was listening. He thought he was just talking to himself at that point, seeing as Cavendish had thus far been silent. It was a malleable silence he was carrying, a comfortable one for Dakota to fill with pointless rambling. He recognized Cavendish’s silences, he knew how to interact with them. Cavendish was not upset or angry or afraid, he was just preoccupied with their mission. If you could call it a mission. It was more like doing the exact opposite of what you’re told to do, so the opposite of a mission.

“Uh, yeah, so he says that to the whole group of ‘em and this dude in the back he goes-he goes ‘wait, you can quit the muppets?’” Dakota snorted. Cavendish’s mustache twitched, but the timing was off, as if he didn’t get the joke and was only fighting back a laugh because of Dakota’s laughter. “It’s like, he thinks he can’t quit, he doesn’t want to be a part of the muppets and would leave-“

“I am more than capable of understanding the high brow humor of the muppets sequel,” Cavendish assured him with an eye roll, drier than a desert. He shook the device in his hands a little, then looked up, glancing around a little like he had forgotten which side Dakota was standing on. He didn’t know how someone could be so distracted and focused at the same time. Those baby blue eyes searching for a direction, even if he promises he’s already found it.

Dakota didn’t understand that-he didn’t understand a lot of things about Cavendish, but that one stuck out in particular. Cavendish acted like he knew exactly where he wanted to be in life, even though he clearly didn’t. He was more curious than he let on, with a young heart inside of him that yearned for _something_. Dakota could see it burning him up inside. He also saw him smothering that fire the best he could, choking on the smoke as he spoke every big word he knew, using the ashes to hide his natural hair color.

The older you were the more things you had figured out. Dakota supposed that was his logic behind it.

“This is the location. We only have a couple minutes before Brick and Savannah are supposed to show up,” Everytime Cavendish talked about them, he sounded defeated. It took him a while, and Dakota tried to ease him into it, but he eventually figured out that the other agents weren’t exactly fond of them. He had never been good with social cues, taking insults to his face without blinking because he didn’t realize they were insults. Dakota was thankful for it most of the time, he didn’t know what he’d do if Cavendish took it all to heart, but it also made him cringe so hard he had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from saying anything.

What kind of person just looks the other way when their buddy is getting openly tormented? Dakota was a bad friend. Sometimes he even thought he was glad no one else liked Cavendish, so they could be outcasts together. Bad, bad friend.

“Dakota?” Cavendish snapped him out of it, cocking his head a little to the side. His eyebrows furrowed in annoyance, “are you paying attention?”

“Yeah, absolutely,” Dakota shook his head a little, to demonstrate him clearing his mind of other thoughts. “So how we killin’ the little fiend?”

Cavendish started walking away without answering him, but Dakota knew that just meant he had answered him in his head. When Cavendish was really focused, he forgot he had to say things out loud for people to hear him. Dakota had learned to just go with it. He would usually catch on. In that respect, they were pretty good partners, filling each other’s gaps. It looked good on paper, but didn’t actually mean anything. In practice, Dakota was as lousy a partner as he was a friend.

Cavendish found the pistachio plant that they were going to destroy, crouching down and flipping a couple of its leaves over. Dakota watched him, voicing his confusion with a joke, “Yeah, pretty sure that’s our guy, no need to get handsy.”

Cavendish shot a look his way. Dakota grinned. It was so easy to get him riled up. “I’m checking to make sure it doesn’t have nuts.”

Dakota whistled, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “You wanna check me next? Pretty sure I know the answer, but a second pair of eyes won’t hurt.”

He was so easily flustered, too. His face went red. It was a good look on him, really contrasted the green of his suit. He hissed in embarrassment, “You’re being purposefully obtuse.”

“I prefer ‘charming and witty,’ but sure,” Dakota snickered. “Seriously, why are you doing that?”

Cavendish cleared his throat, trying to regain his composure. “If we pulverize it after it’s _ripened_ -“

“Oh, gross, somehow you made it more sexual,” Dakota made a face.

Cavendish sighed, standing back up and speaking painfully slow in successful attempt to annoy Dakota back, “The pistachio is the seed of the plant. Plants come from seeds. If we kill it and there’s still pistachios, another one can grow, and I can not even call you a child for this one because even a kindergartener knows this much.”

“Got me all buttered up just to kill the mood,” Dakota shook his head in mock disappointment. Done playing for the moment, he cracked his knuckles. “Are we good to kill it or what?”

Cavendish nodded, but before they could move, a high strung voice interrupted them, “Excuse me, sirs!”

Dakota raised his eyebrows amusedly at Cavendish. “I’m a sir now.” His amusement faded to mild disgust as he saw the owner of the voice fast walking towards them. “Oh no, it’s this guy.”

The crosswalk guard Elliot, some greasy creep who spends his free time harassing middle schoolers. “I noticed you’ve wandered from the designated park path, and while I’m not allowed to yell at people for that since that stupid family with the picnic complained to the board, I have to be sure you’re not committing any safety violations out here.”

Dakota sent a glance Cavendish’s way, silently pleading with him to deal with this guy so he didn’t have to. Cavendish tried to ignore him, but he turned up the puppy dog eyes until Cavendish caved. He put on that fake smile that had Dakota convinced he used to work retail, “Well, there’s no need to worry, we’re being perfectly safe.”

“Oh yeah?” Elliot crossed his arms over his nausea-inducing neon vest. “What are you two even doing over here?”

“We’re-“ Cavendish’s smile flickered, trying to think of a plausible excuse that would free him from the conversation as quickly as possible. His eyes kept jumping to the plant, and Dakota knew their time constraints must be driving him batty. He liked getting everything done in a timely fashion, and anything that prevented him from that was truly evil.

Cavendish glanced over at Dakota a couple times, moving his mouth slightly as the gears in his brain were turning as fast as possible. Dakota wondered if he was thinking things he meant to say out loud again.

“Well?” Elliot was getting suspicious. Worst case scenario was he stood there prattling about safety at them until Brick and Savannah arrived and saved the plant, spotting Cavendish and Dakota and figuring out their plot to stop them, getting them into bad trouble and keeping them away from the pistachios until they become sentient and take over the world again. So panicking was not out of the question.

Instead of panicking, however, Cavendish steeled. He clenched his fists firmly at his sides, straightening up and puffing out his chest like a prideful bird. He huffed, “We’re doing _this_.”

Cavendish grabbed the collar of Dakota’s tracksuit, practically lifting him off his feet as he leaned over to close the gap between them. Between their mouths. Cavendish was kissing him.

Cavendish was kissing him.

And he was using tongue.

He was actually making out with him quite fervently. How could someone who turned tomato red over every single joke be so wild? He pinned him up against a tree trunk like a deeply confused painting to free his hands for exploring. Dakota was finally close enough to feel the heat of that internal fire of his, flames licking at his insides and melting him into pudding against Cavendish. If he wasn’t sandwiched between the tree and Cavendish, he would be a puddle on the ground.

He opened his eyes hazily for just a moment, catching a glimpse of Elliot’s mortified face. “Th-this is out of m-m-my jurisdiction,” The young man stumbled away, muttering about condom use. If Dakota’s mind wasn’t exploding into fireworks, he would be laughing at him. In truth he wasn’t able to even make out what Elliot had said until a few hours later.

Cavendish pulled away in one quick, smooth action, gently lowering Dakota back onto his feet, but unable to pull his heart down from the clouds. Dakota blinked blearily, reaching back out for him like a puppy that wasn’t done getting pet yet. But Cavendish did not notice, turning to the pistachio plant and adjusting his tie. He began stomping on it as if he hadn’t kissed Dakota so thoroughly the man felt like he had been put in a blender set on high.

“Oh, sorry about that,” Cavendish spoke cheerily over the sound of snapping branches. “I just thought it would be the best way to get him, as you would say, ‘off our dicks.’” When Dakota did not laugh, he paused. He didn’t look concerned, not exactly, just kind of curious. “Are you angry with me?” There was the return of his signature nervousness, “Did I cross a line? I thought you would want him gone, but I should’ve asked-“

“S’fine,” Dakota finally managed. “You’re fine, it was fine. You did what you thought was best, and hey-” He motioned vaguely in the direction Elliot had scurried off to, “it worked.”

Cavendish looked relieved, getting back to crushing the plant. Dakota swallowed hard. There was no way those sparks weren’t mutual. “I didn’t-uh, I didn’t mind.” Dakota continued, heart secured back in his chest but trying to break out again, thumping against his ribcage and nearly dragging him to Cavendish’s feet. “Wouldn’t mind if you did it again.” His attempt at coolness was spoiled by his voice cracking uncharacteristically.

“Har har, very funny.”

_I’m serious, I’ve never been more serious in my life_ , his heart screamed, but he clutched the fabric covering his chest to muffle it. He forced a smile, “How can you be so cold, Cav? What if that had been a real confession?”

Cavendish brushed his hands off, stepping away from the sad, mangled mess that was both the plant and his partner. He gave him a playful, disbelieving look. “From you?”

“I may not look it, but I’m a real sensitive fella,” Dakota loosened his grip on his tracksuit so he was just placing a dramatic hand on his chest. “Gotta lot of love to give.”

“Oh, sure,” Cavendish chuckled. “Madly in love with whatever girl happens to be passing by. True love has no name, and as far as you’re concerned, neither do they. I think you’d pass up on the chance for half of those women if you were offered a funnel cake in exchange.”

Dakota laughed, hiding his heartache easily. It was his only real talent. He had been pulling it off for years. “Maybe so. But can you blame me? It’s important to be true to yourself.”

“And how do you define that, Dakota?” Cavendish asked in amusement as he walked beside him, a spring in his step after their miniature success.

Dakota hummed, watching as their footsteps fell into the same rhythm. “Stayin’ fickle, keepin’ things light. I’m a jokester, through and through. But who knows, I might find the love of my life one of these days.”

“That’ll be for the best. Then you can stop playing with hearts.” Cavendish pretended to scold him. But there was a hint of some soft kind of sadness to it, as if Cavendish was truly concerned for the hearts that Dakota was messing with.

“Aw, come on, you know nobody’s actually fallen for me,” Dakota laughed him off.

Cavendish busied himself by fixing his tie again, despite having fiddled with it just a few minutes earlier. It was like he just wanted an excuse to avoid eye contact. Dakota gave him a little distance, sighing internally and accepting his fate. The only heart that mattered was never going to fall for him.

At least he had a kiss to remember him by. 


	2. A New Mission.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dakota and Cav get trusted with a non pistacio mission. And of course. They make out..maybe twice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y’all like it! This chapter was written by forfuckssakejim!

“Can you believe it Dakota! An actual mission!” Cav beamed as their car arrived to the designated spot. A restaurant where a sudden deal was about to go down that would end up plunging the world into another war. 

“Right. This could be great for us!” Dakota responded as he reached into the back to grab their tech. He handed Cav his as he fiddled with his own, checking over the circuits and linking it up to his phone. He did a quick system scan to make sure it was operational before activating the hologram that stored their mission parameters . 

“Right. This is our target,” Vinnie said as the image rotated of a man, he was balding with a thin mustache. Dark eyes and a permanent scowl affixed to his face, the file read Steven Garret. “We have to intercept the package and make sure he doesn’t sell it.” 

“Right. We’ll attract less attention if we walk through the front doors a few minutes after him..” Cav began as he fiddled with his tie. 

“Plus we got these swanky badges so if anyone asks what we’re doing it says we’re public health inspectors. Pretty neat right?” Vinnie said, holding out the archaic plastic badge that the bureau gave them. It was better than shoving someone against the nearest tree for a makeout session. Though if the opportunity arose for such a repeat who was Vinnie to look a gift horse in the mouth 

“Swanky?” Cav repeated, an eyebrow raised, “I don’t think you’re using that word right.”

“I don’t care.” Vinnie responded with a shrug of his shoulders, “It sounds cool, so I’m gonna use it.” 

“There he is.” Cav said as he pointed across the street where, sure enough, the object of their mission was. 

“Let’s get going.” Dakota said, not even pausing to wait for Cav. Ever since their makeout session last week, Dakota has tried his best to make things less awkward between them. He didn’t want to screw up, even if Cav had said it didn’t affect him. Well, it did affect Vinnie. What do you even do when the man you’ve been pining for suddenly put his tongue in your mouth as he pinned you to a tree? 

He heard Cav behind him as they walked through the doors, quickly scanning along the vast space for Steven. “By the bathrooms on your 2 o’clock.” Cav all but whispered into his ear as it sent goosebumps up his spine. 

“Got him.” Dakota whispered back. “The bar has a good view of his table.” And before he could let Cav respond, he began walking towards it. He could feel more than hear Cav on his tail as they both took a seat. 

—-  
“Something’s wrong.” Dakota said after an hour, the man had sat at the table before going to the bathroom a few minutes ago. “Hold on.” He pulled out his device, “I planted a tracker on him when I walked passed him earlier.” Dakota mumbled as Cav watched. They had hardly spoken, too intent on the mission. 

“Shit, he’s out of the building.” Dakota flew out of his seat before running down the hall, Cav hot on his heels. “It looks like he’s heading to the park on Maplewood and Third St.” Dakota said as they exited the building. 

“I know a shortcut.” Cav said as he fished the keys out of his pocket, “Milo showed it to me.” Dakota nodded his head as he climbed in on the passenger side. 

—-

“Let’s hide over here.” Dakota said as they walked into the park, Steven was by the lake by himself. But no doubt the buyer would appear shortly. 

“Act casual.” Dakota whispered as he hooked their arms together and leaned against Cav as he walked. “We don’t want to have him scatter again.” He mumbled into Cav’s neck, taking a deep breath and inhaling his perfume. It was light, but held the faintest scent of lilies and something else? Dakota decided that it was the perfect blend for Cav.

“Right.” Cav said, he seemed to freeze for a minute and Dakota wondered if he had crossed some kind of line. But he was sure that line was when Vinnie had two tongues in his mouth. 

As they walked they noticed him set down the briefcase by the pond. “Wait for the buyer to show up.” Dakota whispered again as Steven began to walk away. 

“Someone’s behind us.” Cav whispered and Dakota strained his ears and yes, there were soft footfalls behind them. Dakota took a glance at Cav’s face. 

The briefcase was so close he could practically grab it, just a few more feet, “Ok,” Dakota said as he turned his face towards Cav, “Play along, I need to see what we’re dealing with. Don’t freeze.” 

“Why would I-“ Cav didn’t get a chance to finish as Dakota stepped in front of him, taking a quick look over Cav’s shoulder. That must have been the buyer. 

He was tall, a round face and dark eyes. His hair stood up and at first Vinnie thought he was looking at him, but it was behind him, towards the briefcase. This was their guy. He was still about 5 yards behind them. 

Dakota spoke, “Oh my god, Billy!” Cav looked at him with confusion, silently mouthing the name. Dakota continued, “That’s so romantic! I love you too!”

He jumped towards Cav and hugged him before whispering, “Keep your eyes on the case.” He didn’t give Cav a chance to respond before he pushed him against a tree, the briefcase was within reach now. The moonlit shadows giving them the perfect cover. 

Dakota took a breath before closing his eyes and slotting their lips together. Dakota’s hands running up his sides, pulling on the lapels of his coat. 

Cav’s hands hesitated slightly before gripping onto the fabric of his hips. Dakota opened one eye half way and saw that the buyer was staring at then. Fuck. He made eye contact with Cav, he knew that Cav had noticed as well. 

He pulled back slightly, “We have to make it awkward enough so he grabs the case and stops looking at us.” 

Dakota nodded, as he collided their lips again, but he was caught by surprise when Cav flipped them so his back was against the tree. Dakota slowly opened his eyes and watched as the buyer quickly looked away. Walking again towards the briefcase. He let his hands roam further up again tangling into Cav’s hair as his lips continued to suffocate him. 

The buyer was closer to the case now, and soon would be directly behind Cav. He opened his mouth and felt Cav’s tongue against his lips and he had to stop himself from moaning. 

He took another glance towards him, he was passing their spot, his face looking strained from watching two people make out. 

‘Time to make this more awkward’ Dakota thought as he let himself make the most obscene moan he could conjure. He felt Cav’s knees buckled and Dakota briefly wondered what he was thinking about. 

The buyer quickened his pace as Dakota pulled back, making eye contact with Cav, whose eyes were completely glazed over. “Almost time to make our move.” He whispered again as he hugged Cav. His lips brushing against Cav’s neck, his eyes glued to the briefcase. 

The buyer took one final look around before picking it up. Dakota sprung away from Cav, “Federal Agents! Put your hands up!” He held out his standard issue stun gun towards him. 

Cav quickly turned around, “Yes! Federal agents! This is a work related event.” He fumbled around for his communicator as Dakota slowly walked towards him.

The buyer looked off towards the side and Dakota sighed, “Don’t try to-“ he didn’t finish as the buyer started running, “-run off.” He finished as he sighed. Aiming the gun as a bolt of white light left and hit him straight in the back. The man freezing as he fell to the ground. 

Dakota looked back at Cav, who was staring open mouthed, “I hate it when they run.” He turned towards the buyer, “Did we mention we were federal agents. But you know, from the future?” Dakota asked even though the guy was out cold. 

“I’m gonna call for the backup.” Cav said as he rubbed his neck. The same spot where Dakota’s lips were brushing against just moments before. 

“Hey.” Dakota sputtered as he shifted his weight, “We’re cool.” He paused, looking over Cav’s disheveled frame, “Right?” He asked. 

Cav blinked owlishly at him, his face still flushed as he straightened out his tie, “Of course.” He responded, not looking at his partner. 

“Good. Good.” Dakota said as he turned away as he continued to speak, “Consider it payback for kissing me last week.” He chuckled. 

Well, if the only kisses Dakota was going to get from Cav were those few then hey, at least he could die knowing what those lips tasted like. ‘Like peaches’ Vinnie thought as he glanced back at Cav. The moonlight reflecting off his hair gave him an unearthly glow that spread warmth through Dakota’s body. ‘Fuck that was gay.’ Dakota thought as he looked around. 

“Looks like Garret got away.” Dakota observed. Garret wasn’t a huge risk, just a guy trying to make a quick buck. Their main goal was apprehending his buyer and securing the briefcase. 

“But we completed our mission.” Cav spoke up as he pocketed his communicator. “Their sending over the processing agents, they’ll take it from here when they arrive. Sort out all the bureaucratic crap for us.” 

“That’s good.” Dakota murmured as his stomach growled. “Maybe after that we can get some dinner? I was so focused on the mission I didn’t even get a chance to stuff my face at the restaurant.” He laughed as Cav rolled his eyes. 

“I don’t see the harm in a celebratory dinner for a successful mission.” Cav responded as he picked up the briefcase and walked over to a nearby bench and sat down, Dakota trailing after him. 

And there they waited, both reliving their latest make out session. Both of them wanting more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading you guys! Don’t forget to comment!


	3. Falling (In Love, and Other Things)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kiss of life is still technically a kiss, right?

“I think we lost them.” 

“Oh, you think so? What tipped you off? Was it the fact that we haven’t caught sight of them anytime in the last five minutes? Or perhaps the fact that their boat was headed in the  _ opposite direction  _ the last time we saw them go by?” 

Vinnie heaved a sigh, dropping his head down against the side of the wooden rowboat with an audible thunk. “You don’t have to be pissed at me, Cav. It’s the stupid river’s fault.” 

Cavendish grumbled in response, but Vinnie couldn’t catch the words, and he didn’t care enough to ask him to repeat what he’d said. It probably wasn’t very important, anyways. 

The small boat they’d borrowed continued it’s gentle jaunt down the river, floating aimlessly now that there weren’t two bodies inside frantically rowing against the current in an attempt to follow in the wave of a motorboat on the horizon. Brick and Savannah had left them in the dust --spray?-- as they went about their current mission. It was disheartening to continue to fail, even after they’d stopped going on pistachio missions for Block and had started going on them for themselves, instead. 

Granted, they succeeded on these more often than they’d succeeded before, but it was still annoying when they were so close to their goal, but too far away to do anything about it. 

“If those pistachios get into the wrong hands--” Cavendish began suddenly, and Vinnie forced himself to pick up his head and blink at the other man. “It could be the end of the world. These might be  _ the  _ pistachios, Dakota. What if they are? We’re the only ones who know about what could happen in the future if the pistachios survive. We have to get ahold of them.” 

The set of Cavendish’s jaw made it all too clear that there would be no arguing with him, but Vinnie found himself opening his mouth regardless. “I know, but we lost them. Unless we do somethin’ crazy, I don’t think we’re gonna be able to catch up.” They should’ve sprung for another motorboat, in hindsight, but Vinnie had been certain that this was the better option at the time they were making their choice. They didn’t want to alert the other two agents to their presence, after all, and  _ that  _ had worked. They just… hadn’t been fast enough to actually get onto the other boat and sneak the pistachios off and into the water like they’d wanted to. 

“We  _ must  _ try to do something,” Cavendish replied firmly, picking up the oar he’d abandoned when he’d become frustrated with their fruitless endeavor. “We’re the only ones who can. The fate of the world rests on our shoulders. Surely, this  _ river _ won’t stop us for long, especially if we work together.” And there it was. Somehow, despite the fact that they fought more than cats and dogs, sometimes, Cavendish always knew what to say to get him to go along with his plans. (Granted, Vinnie was usually pretty sure of how to get Cav to follow him, too, but it at  _ least  _ made sense when he did it. After all, Vinnie was a goddamn fool in love with Cavendish; he prided himself on knowing what buttons to push to get a reaction out of him.) 

It wasn’t going to work. There was no way in hell that two people --even when one of them was as strong as Cav was-- would be able to not only fight the current, but fight it  _ enough  _ to catch up to Brick and Savannah’s high-tech motorboat. But Cavendish was staring at him expectantly, holding both oars and offering one to him, and… Well. Vinnie had always been a sucker for those big, blue eyes. 

“Alright,” Vinnie agreed, a smile breaking out over his face despite himself. He shifted, sitting up properly, and then reached for the oar, accepting the one currently being held out towards him. Their fingers brushed lightly during the exchange; Vinnie felt a flash of heat across his cheeks that had nothing to do with the sun shining down upon them, and he glanced away from Cavendish immediately. 

He hadn’t forgotten how it felt to kiss Cav, to touch him intimately, even if it had all been under a pretense. He also hadn’t forgotten the daggers Cav had thrown at him with his gaze after their last fake makeout. There wasn’t anything to be done about it, other than to make certain that it didn’t happen again. He was in love with Cavendish, and he would have given anything to show him that as much and as often as he could, but… keeping him around, being around him, that was more important than something like kissing him could ever be. 

_ They  _ were more important than that. So Vinnie would be good. Or at least, he was trying to be. 

“That’s the spirit!” Cav crowed, apparently unaware of the fact that Vinnie had just gotten lost in his own head. Vinnie let his smile take over once more, and dipped his oar in the water. It took them a minute or so to find a rhythm --and a lot of Cavendish telling him what to do, most of which he ignored-- but eventually, they did manage to stroke together the way they’d been doing at the start of their self-given mission. 

Even with the success of their teamwork, though, the pull of the current kept them moving downriver. For every inch of progress they made, they were swept further and further away from their goal. 

Vinnie couldn’t help himself: he  _ was  _ looking straight ahead, trying to watch where they were attempting to go, but he found his gaze drifting back to Cav every time his concentration suffered any sort of lapse. Because Cavendish looked  _ determined.  _ His lips were pressed into a thin line, his jaw was set, and there was a bead of sweat slipping slowly down the side of his face from underneath the band of his hat. 

But he wasn’t giving up, so Vinnie wasn’t about to say anything about it. Even  _ if _ that meant that his arms were starting to hurt, and that he was sweating through his shirt beneath his tracksuit jacket. 

“I think we’re getting closer,” Cavendish finally declared, and Vinnie had to actually bite his tongue to keep himself from laughing. For all the negatives his partner threw out ninety percent of the time, it was crazy just how positive he was when he wanted to convince himself that things were going well. 

“Yeah?” He managed to get the word out without his voice cracking, and he was going to consider that an accomplishment. 

“Yes. Yes, we are.” Cavendish sounded so sure of himself, and so damn optimistic, and Vinnie felt his heart squeeze almost uncomfortably in his chest as the ridiculously warm feelings in his chest threatened to bubble over momentarily. He grinned at Cav, unable to form words, especially when Cavendish offered a rare smile back at him in return. The moment felt nice, felt right, felt--

Too good. 

Vinnie looked away from Cavendish, towards the direction they had been attempting to go, and frowned slowly. There was nothing there. Brick and Savannah were long gone. So why…? 

“Does it sound like the water’s getting louder to you?” he asked carefully. He didn’t wait for an answer, and instead craned his neck around to see where they were actually floating towards instead. 

“Don’t be ridicu--” Cavendish began, but cut himself off abruptly as he followed Vinnie’s train of thought and shifted so that he was facing the other direction as well. “Oh.” 

“That  _ would _ explain why it’s getting louder,” Vinnie stated, fully aware of the look Cavendish gave him in response. 

The current of the river probably should have tipped them off to something bigger going on, but Cavendish had obviously been too distracted by the thought of impending Pistachions to realise it, and Vinnie… had been distracted by  _ other  _ things. Vinnie cursed himself internally; there was never a dull moment in the twenty-first century, and this time, Milo wasn’t even around to cause the problems! Nope, they’d done this one to themselves. 

“We have to jump,” Vinnie said tersely, leaning forward and looking down into the water beneath them. Cavendish made a strangled sound beside him, and Vinnie glanced over to see that he’d paled considerably at the suggestion. “What?” 

“The boat will be just fine, won’t it?” he asked, speaking  _ just  _ fast enough to betray his emotions. “If we just stay in? It will go down, but so will we, and we should land in it just--” 

“Cav,” Vinnie interrupted. “It’s a  _ waterfall.  _ That’s not how waterfalls work. There’s no way we can row to shore with the current like this, but we might be able to swim through it if we jump now.” He sat back from the edge of the boat again and began untying his shoes before tugging them off and kicking them aside. He peeled off his socks as well and tossed them down into the boat. Beside him, Cavendish hadn’t moved. 

“What are you  _ doing _ ?” Cavendish asked, voice entering an unfamiliar register. Vinnie looked at him again, undoing the zip to his jacket in the process. 

“I figure it’ll be easier to swim if I don’t have a bunch of layers on. You should strip, too. We can always get to the bottom and find our clothes afterwards.” Vinnie shrugged off his jacket and tossed it on one of the free benches behind them. 

“Dakota--” 

“I know, your clothes are expensive and probably dry clean only, but--” 

“--Dakota--” 

“It’s better to lose  _ them  _ than to, y’know--” 

“Dakota!” 

“Lose your  _ life  _ or somethin’ like that--” 

“ _ Vinnie!”  _ Cav’s desperate tone, combined with the fact that he’d used his first name, snapped Vinnie out of the awkward laugh he’d been about to let out. He snapped to attention, head whipping up so that he could stare at Cavendish again. “ _ I don’t know how to swim.”  _

Oh. Oh,  _ shit _ . Vinnie felt his heart drop, because he’d  _ known _ that. How could he not? He could count the number of times Cavendish had drowned on one hand, sure, but it had  _ happened. _ And, like some sort of idiot, he’d completely forgotten about it in the heat of the moment. 

His despair must have shown on his face, because Cavendish looked away the moment after he let out the confession. “I’m sorry. You jump. I’ll… I’ll be fine.” 

“No, Cav, that’s not-- I’m not gonna just… leave you.” That wasn’t how it worked. That was never how it worked. Vinnie never left before Cavendish was actually dead, because he wanted every timeline’s Cav to have him be the last thing he saw. It was selfish, wholeheartedly and completely, but it wasn’t a habit he was going to break now. 

Besides, there was still a chance that Cav would make it the first time around. It was a slim chance, yeah, but it was still a  _ chance _ . 

“You should.” Cavendish was staring at him, eyes wide, terror hidden just behind his gaze. “If anything happens to me, you’ll be able to… call for help. You’ll be able to fix it. But the pistachios are the main concern, Dakota. If you can get to shore, there’s still a chance--” 

“Damn the pistachios!” Vinnie burst out with, and Cavendish jumped a little. 

“Dakota--” 

“No, Cavendish. Right now,  _ our lives  _ are more important than some dumb nutjobbers. I’ll help you, but you gotta take off your jacket. And your hat.” Vinnie spared a glance at the waterfall and bit his lip hard. It was… much closer than he’d thought. 

They weren’t going to have time to make it to shore. 

Still, getting out of the boat would be the better option in the long run. There was less of a chance of it falling on one of them (Cavendish) or accidentally crushing one of them (Cavendish) or something else happening (to Cavendish) if they were far away from the big, heavy, wooden thing. 

“O-Okay.” Cavendish’s voice shook just a little, and his hands were trembling, too, as he fought to unbutton his coat. Vinnie reached for him impatiently, tugging the buttons through the holes and ignoring Cav’s indignant sound of protest. Vinnie all but tore the jacket off of him, dropping it down into the boat and plucking Cavendish’s hat off his head. 

“Fuck,” he muttered, glancing at the waterfall again. 

“Wha--?” Cavendish began to ask, but stopped himself halfway through the question. Vinnie swallowed hard and grabbed onto Cav’s hand. 

“Jump, on three. Alright?” Cavendish nodded once, tersely. “Good. Okay. One--” The boat shook suddenly as they hit the rapids head on, and Vinnie pulled Cavendish out of the boat with him. “Three!” 

There was a loud splash as they hit the water, and a hand in his own, and Vinnie struggled hard against the current. All he could see was white…

was white…

was white. 

 

Balthazar spluttered madly as he finally emerged from the water, throat raw from both the liquid he’d taken in through his nose as they’d fallen and the cry that had been torn from him when he’d realised what was happening. The boat was upturned some distance away, their clothes scattered in the lazy water around it. The water here wasn’t too deep; he could stand where he was, and even though he felt soggy… He was alive. And Dakota--

Where was Dakota?

Balthazar’s immediate sense of elation at having survived paled considerably as he swept his gaze along the dammed-off lake they’d quite literally splashed right into. From his initial scan, he couldn’t see any sign of his partner, and… now, he was afraid. 

“Dakota?” he called hesitantly, coughing and attempting to clear the residual water from his throat. 

He didn’t hear any sort of response, and he dragged himself up from where he’d been half-lying in the mud to splash his way over towards the remains of the boat. He stumbled more than a few times, feet slipping in the silt underneath, but managed to make it to the boat without actually falling face-first into the water. 

“...Dakota?” he called again, and again, received no response. He pushed his fringe back from where it had flopped forward onto his forehead and frowned deeply. “If this is some kind of a joke, Dakota, it isn’t funny,” he stated, water shifting and rippling wherever he disturbed it. He glared down at the ripples for a moment, and then followed their path with his gaze, concern eating at him despite his grumpy tone. 

And then, he saw it: 

There was a foot sticking out from the other side of the boat. A tanned foot attached to a tanned leg that was lying, prone, in the water where the body it was attached to had landed. 

“Dakota,” he breathed out, the name feeling like both a curse and a prayer on his lips. He stumbled over to the opposite side of the boat. Dakota’s arm was caught underneath the weight of the beat-up wooden structure, his body unmoving and floating in the shallow water. Balthazar swore at the sight and pushed aside some of the reedy plants that the boat had gotten stuck in to get in closer. 

“Damn you, Dakota, you’d better be alright,” he whispered fervently, kneeling down beside him, ignoring the way the water seeped even more quickly into his pants. He pressed two trembling fingers to Dakota’s neck, searching for a pulse. For a good thirty seconds, he couldn’t find it, and he had to force himself not to panic. Dakota couldn’t be dead. He couldn’t. There was no way--

And then, by some miracle, Balthazar forced himself to take a deep breath, forced his hands to stop shaking, and he  _ found  _ it. There was a pulse. It was weak, but it was there, and Balthazar couldn’t help the breath of relief that whooshed out of him. 

Still, the pulse itself didn’t mean that Dakota was automatically going to be alright. There was no way to call for help, since everything on them would have been soaked from the fall, which meant that anything Dakota needed at present, Balthazar would have to do for him the best he could. 

He sat back on his heels, focusing hard down on the prone figure of his partner in front of him. They’d fallen down a waterfall, and Dakota was barely breathing now. Barely breathing. That meant… 

Thank whatever god out there that the Bureau made all agents go through emergency aid training. 

If they’d gone down a waterfall --which they had-- and Dakota wasn’t breathing --which he was, but hardly-- that meant he might have water in his lungs. Which  _ meant  _ that the first thing Balthazar needed to do was to  _ get the water out of his lungs.  _

CPR. He could definitely do that. 

With a plan set, now, Balthazar carefully shifted so that his own body was supporting Dakota’s, and began without a second thought. Chest compressions. Get the water out. Chest compressions. Keep his lungs moving. Keep air in them. Compress the chest, and then--

The kiss of life. 

This was an emergency situation, but Balthazar was  _ loathe  _ to perform anything close to a kiss on Dakota. He hardly had time to spare a thought for it before he shoved it aside, but he  _ knew  _ that there was going to be trouble if they continued to…  _ kiss  _ one another during missions. His own feelings for his ridiculous partner were going to be revealed if they kept it up, and he couldn’t have that. Not when he knew that Dakota could never feel the same for him. 

There was no time for that now; he could dwell on self-pity later. Right now, Dakota  _ needed  _ him. 

Chest compression. Mouth to mouth. Chest compression. Get the water out. Mouth to mouth. Keep his lungs moving. Chest compression. Mouth to mouth. 

The actions became repetitive, a silent mantra as Balthazar fought to keep Dakota with him. Seconds ticked by, precious, crucial seconds, and Balthazar became just a touch more frantic as they continue to pass. Mouth to mouth chest compression mouth to mouth keep his lungs moving get the water out get it out get it out get it--

Dakota coughed. Directly into his mouth. 

Balthazar pulled away immediately, eyes wide, as Dakota began retching and heaving, water pouring from his mouth along with the contents of the lunch they’d eaten before heading out on this mission. 

When he’d finally cleared himself of everything vile, Dakota looked up at him with bleary, reddened eyes, his gaze unfocused but  _ alive.  _ He blinked, multiple times, and it was only then that Balthazar noticed that the glasses that he normally wore were missing. And his  _ eyes _ … They were  _ beautiful.  _

He’d never actually seen Dakota without his glasses, before. Dakota was always wearing them. He’d made a joke, once, about how they were actually attached to him, like some weird part of his soul that he wore on his face. (Balthazar hadn’t understood the reference then, and he didn’t now either, but he’d laughed anyways because Dakota was grinning at him like the cat who’d gotten the cream.) 

The glasses were tinted, the lenses a pinkish colour that hid the colour of Dakota’s eyes and made them look rather black upon any inspection. They  _ weren’t  _ black, though. They weren’t even close. No, instead, they were two very different shades, one blue, and one a molten amber that Balthazar was immediately certain would absolutely sparkle in the sunlight. He didn’t have time to say anything about it, though, as Dakota attempted to move the arm that was trapped underneath the boat and suddenly groaned in pain. 

“Dakota!” Balthazar placed a hand firmly against the centre of his chest. “Don’t move, you idiot.” Despite the harshness of the words, his tone was tinged with palpable relief, and his voice softened even further as he continued. “Just… lie there and breathe, a moment. You scared the daylights out of me. I thought you were…” He cut himself off. He couldn’t even bear to say the words aloud, lest that somehow reverse Dakota’s waking up and jinx the whole situation after all. “Well. It doesn’t matter what I thought. All that matters is that you are alright.” 

“M’arm hurts,” he mumbled after a second, still blinking owlishly. “D’d you kiss me again? ‘Cuz it ain’t fair to take adv’nt’ge of a guy when he’s unconscious like this.” 

Balthazar felt his face heat rapidly, and he huffed to cover it, absently reaching forward and brushing some of Dakota’s wet, wild curls out of his face. “I didn’t  _ kiss  _ you. I performed CPR on you, which is a very intricate and important part of why you’re still with me right now and  _ are you laughing at me?”  _

Dakota, who’d let out a very weak chuckle, coughed violently in response to that, and Balthazar decided to let it go. For the moment. He glanced around, reflecting again that there was no good way to call for any sort of help. He really didn’t want to have to leave Dakota, but if it were a choice between getting him help for his obviously-injured arm and staying here and not being able to do anything about it, he was going to have to choose the former. 

“Dakota, I’m going to--” he began to say, but was interrupted by the shout of a familiar voice somewhere above them, the shrill tone cutting through the noise made by the waterfall. 

“Cavendish? Dakota? Is that you?” 

Cavendish’s head whipped up, nearly on its own accord, and he found himself staring up at Milo Murphy and his two young compatriots, who were all looking down at them with varying degrees of concern on their faces. 

“...Murphy?” he called back. “What are you doing here?” 

“Me and Zack and Melissa got a little sidetracked on the way to the movies and ended up trying to help a boat that caught on fire in the river. Which is funny, because it was in the water, but it was on fire!” Milo explained. “Hang on, we’ll come down there so we don’t have to yell!” With that, the three of them disappeared for the moment. 

A boat that had randomly caught on fire sounded suspiciously like something that might happen to pistachios. Balthazar knew all too well how susceptible they were to spontaneously combusting. Perhaps Murphy’s Law had managed to take care of those blasted pistachios for them. At least  _ something  _ good had come out of the day, even if they  _ had  _ gone over a waterfall in the end. 

He smoothed Dakota’s hair down again, and felt Dakota lean into his touch. More than one good thing, he decided to himself. He and Dakota had both survived, and they would be alright. They always were.

 

“Are you guys okay?” Milo, Melissa and Zack rushed onto the scene a few minutes after heading down the trail to the bottom of the ‘falls, only to be greeted with a sopping wet Cavendish cradling a very dazed-looking Dakota curled up against the wooden frame of what looked like it had once been a boat. 

Cavendish looked up at them almost guiltily, and then grimaced in what was obviously failing at a smile. (Zack was the only one who noticed that Cavendish’s long fingers were tangled in Dakota’s hair, but he said nothing about it.) 

“We seem to be in a… spot of trouble. Do you children perhaps have any sort of mobile device on you? Dakota’s arm seems to be broken, and I don’t want to risk moving him until I know it will be safe.” 

“Told you, ‘m fine,” Dakota mumbled. Melissa looked down at him and snorted. 

“You don’t look fine,” she said plainly, and Dakota stuck his tongue out in her general direction before leaning his head back down against Cavendish’s hand again. 

“I’ll call an ambulance. They usually come pretty quick for Murphy emergencies,” Milo offered, and when Cavendish nodded, he rushed off towards the road so that he would be able to greet them, phone in hand and dialling as he left. 

Dakota nudged his head against the closest part of Cavendish he could reach, and when Cavendish looked down, he offered him a tiny smile. “Good kids,” he mumbled, and Cavendish couldn’t help himself. Despite everything they’d just been through, and the fact that he’d had to perform CPR on his partner and that Dakota would no doubt bring it up later as some sort of joke about the two of them kissing, he found himself smiling back. Just a little. 

(Melissa and Zack shared a look, but they were dutifully quiet until Milo came crashing back through the underbrush with two paramedics in tow.) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how anything works I took a CPR class once when I was 12. 
> 
> Comments/kudos are love!


	4. New Suit, New Dress, New Ways to Twist Your Tongue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, Cav and Dakota are in a closet, at a party. I bet y'all know what's going to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *shows up 3 months late with a starbucks coffee in hand* Oh shit, why did I get this? I fucking hate coffee. Anyway, thanks for being so patient y'all. I got stuck for awhile, but it's finally here! I hope y'all enjoy!

“Oh come on!” Vinnie whined, looking in the hallway mirror as he struggled with the orange bowtie around his neck.

Dakota kept tying the damn thing crooked and it refused to cooperate with him, even after he looked up a how-to guide on his phone. This is why Vinnie liked wearing his track suit. It took little effort to put on and off, unlike the hellish monkey suit he was wearing right now. Nobody should ever have to waste an hour of their life just to put on clothes. 

“Seriously,” Dakota muttered to himself, “how the hell can Cav stand putting on these three piece disasters every day.”

Cavendish and Dakota had recently found out that Savannah and Brick were ordered to protect a table filled with pistachio flavored hors d'oeuvres at some fancy party in downtown Danville and it was an invite only black tie event. Originally, they had planned on breaking in and disguising themselves as waiters or bus boys. However, when they went to ask Milo and his friends to borrow a glass cutter or some lock picks, Melissa shook her head and offered a better idea. Her dad got an invite to this party every year and never had any interest to go since he used that free time to spend the night with his daughter, letting Vinnie and Balthazar have the invitation instead. 

Dakota had protested that there was no way they’d be able to find fancy clothes on such short notice and within their price range, but Milo was able to help them out on that one. Most of Murphy’s sweater vests and clothes bought for special occasions were usually purchased at a cheap, second hand store downtown called “What Goes Out of Style, Comes Back Again… Eventually… Maybe…” With Zack’s eye for fashion and Melissa and Milo as judges, Vinnie was able to find a normal dark navy blue suit that looked half decent on him. Even though the yellow plaid suit jacket they found earlier was much more his style. Cavendish, since most of the pants and coats were too short to cover his arms and legs that went on for 12 miles, picked out a dark green, sleeveless cocktail dress. To say that Dakota was interested to see his partner in said dress was the understatement of the year. Vinnie has seen Balthazar in other outfits in the past, but never one that exposed those strong legs and arms of his. He could barely contain his excitement.

‘I bet he’s going to look awesome as hell,” Vinnie thought and then growled as he messed up tying his bowtie for the fifth time, ‘unlike me who can’t even put on these dumbass clothes!’

Dakota took in a deep breathe, letting the air escape from his nose in an aggressive manner. He wasn’t going to let a bowtie defeat him that easily. It’s time to bring out the big guns.

“Hey Cav!” Vinnie called out.

From the bathroom, Cavendish gave a muffled response, most likely a “What is it now?”

“Can you help me tie this stupid thing? It’s being a little bitch!”

He heard Balthazar let out a sigh and the bathroom door opening. 

“Alright, alright, I’m coming.”

“Thank God, I can’t take this stupid thing any-” 

As he was talking, Vinnie turned to face Balthazar and what he saw caused the rest of his words to clog his throat. If Dakota were a cartoon character, his heart would literally be leaping out of his chest and smothering his partner in kisses. The image reminded Vinnie of that old short film ‘In a Heartbeat.’ Despite how embarrassing that would have been, at least Cavendish would finally know exactly how Dakota felt about him instead of thinking he was joking around 24/7.

There weren’t even words that existed to describe how gorgeous Balthazar looked, but fuck Vinnie was going to try his hardest. The dress complimented Cavendish’s graceful form and broad shoulders perfectly, the skirt flowing out at the hips and ending just above the knee. Balthazar’s arms and legs were even better than Dakota ever imagined. Those toned calves, made all the more better with the heels he was wearing, and biceps holding a hidden strength that would surprise most people. His hair, resting at the middle of his back, and mustache were curled, both style and color mimicking that of the gentle wispy flames often seen in rustic fire places. His partner wasn’t wearing glasses either… was Balthazar actually wearing contacts?! Vinnie thought he already knew how blue Cavendish’s eyes were, but without the glasses in the way… They shimmered like the goddamn Pacific, with the minimal eyeliner and silver eyeshadow enhancing the effect. Then there was Balthazar’s lips… painted a simply shade of pink, nothing too extravagant, but they made his partner’s mouth look ten times more kissable than before. Vinnie already had a hard time resisting those lips of his, but now it felt nearly impossible.

“Well?” Dakota nearly jumped, startled out of his trance when Cavendish spoke. “Do you think my disguise is acceptable?”

Face completely red, Vinnie stammered, “Oh um… well I uh… I definitely wouldn’t recognize ya, heh heh… Ya… ya look… super cool… buddy...” He pointed awkward finger guns at his partner. “Yeah…” 

Nailed it. Balthazar raised an eyebrow, unimpressed.

“Is that you best attempt at giving me a compliment? Because I believe your skills in flattery could use more work.”

The warm, annoying feeling that people called love left Dakota immediately.

“Maybe if I wasn’t so desensitized from you wearing suits all the time, I’d be better at giving ya compliments.” Vinnie replied in a sarcastic tone. “How about me? Do I look ‘disguised’ enough for ya?”

Balthazar gave Dakota an once-over and smirked in a sly manner.

“For once, you don’t look like a complete slob,” Cavendish remarked.

“You should work on your own compliments, ya hypocrite. And you leave my track suit outta this,” Vinnie declared. “At least it isn’t impossible to get on. And what’s with the hair? How did ya get it so orangey and long? Did ya drink too much hormone-infused carrot juice or somethin’?”

Balthazar rolled his eyes at the last question, walking towards him before leaning down and grabbing both ends of Dakota’s bowtie so that he could properly tie them together. With only a few inches of space between them, Vinnie tried his hardest not to squirm in Cavendish’s presence and stare at his mouth as he talked, wanting so badly to smudge the lipstick so neatly painted upon his partner’s lips.

“I used a wig of course, and hair dye for my mustache. Brick and Savannah are not the only ones with costumes.”

“So do you have an entire closet dedicated to wigs or what?”

Balthazar bristled, unconsciously pulling the knot of the bowtie a little too tight for Dakota liking. Maybe he shouldn’t be say that kind of stuff when his partner could so easily choke him. However… Vinnie mentally shook himself. Now was not the time for thoughts like that.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to hit a nerve,” Dakota amended, causing Balthazar to relax. “So, how long this shindig anyway?”

“Technically, it ends around midnight, which is more than enough time to sneak into the party, destroy the pistachio hors d'oeuvres, and-”

“And boogey our way out of there?” Vinnie finished.

Cavendish stared at him in an exasperated manner and droned, “Yes. We will ‘boogey’ our way of there.”

Dakota giggled.

“Oh, what is it now?”

“You said ‘boogey.’”

“Dear lord, you are absolutely insufferable,” Cavendish groaned, quickly tying the damned bowtie so that he could get as far away from his partner as possible.

After taking in a few calming breathes, Balthazar looked Vinnie with a critical eye. Cavendish smoothed down Dakota’s collar and straightened the crooked bowtie, now satisfied with his partner’s look.

“There, now you look like a proper gentleman.”

“And I wasn’t before?”

Balthazar let out a snort and remarked, “Not even close,” which earned him a glare from Vinnie.

Looking at the clock, Cavendish said, “Well, we must get going if we don’t want to be late.”

“You do know that we are time travelers, right? We can go any time we want and never be late.”

Ignoring Dakota’s sarcastic comment, Balthazar asked, “Are you ready to head out?”

Vinnie smirked.

“Yeah, we’ll raise the roof so hard that the gods will wanna party with us.'"

~~

Surprisingly enough, getting into the party went over smoothly for the time travelling duo, a rare occurrence considering their mission track record. The only thing was slightly troubling were the people that were staring at Cavendish as they walked through the long hallway and into the main ballroom. Some faces were filled with shock, others with disgust, and even a few with predatory grins. This did not make Dakota’s blood boil or make him want to punch those creeps straight in the nose, despite what the clenching of his hands stated otherwise. Not at all. 

“Dakota?” Vinnie turned towards his whispering partner. “Are you alright?”

Dakota tried to school his face into a neutral expression and forced a grin.

“Yeah, just peachy. Just remembering how much I hate these types of parties. Entitled assholes, lackluster music… the only good part is the food and stiff drinks.” Vinnie grumbled.

Cavendish patted his arm in reassurance.

“Not to worry,” Balthazar said confidently, “we will only be here long enough to destroy the pistachio hors d'oeuvres and get out. It won’t take too long if our good luck continues.”

Dakota nodded and gave an internal sigh of relief when his partner bought his white lie. Cavendish’s one track mind was both a blessing and a curse all rolled in one. Though it often made Balthazar ignorant of his surroundings and lead him into danger (and sometimes death), it also helped him to not get distracted by the stupid idiots of the world. The last thing Cavendish needed was to get angry at people who weren’t worth his time… or hurt. Besides, if they tried anything, Vinnie was sure that he and Balthazar could kick their rich asses into next week, quite literally. 

Cavendish nudged Dakota and pointed to the left.

“I believe I have spotted our target.”

Sure enough, off to the far left of the dance floor was the hors d'oeuvre table filled with all sorts of green nut flavored treats. Manning the area was Brick and Savannah, looking like their usual pleasant selves as they glared at anyone who stared at the pistachio hors d'oeuvres for too long.

“They look like they’re having a ton of fun.” Vinnie jokingly remarked.

“Indeed. It’s going to take some effort getting them both away from the table…”

“Alright,” Dakota rubbed his hands together and asked, “What’s the plan, Stan?”

“What we need to do is to look for an opening. Brick and Savannah may be considered BOTT’s best agents, but even they have made mistakes. But how can we observe them without looking suspicious?”

Dakota thought for a moment and snapped his fingers.

“I got it! We keep an eye on them while we bust a move on the dance floor.”

Vinnie then bowed as low as he could manage and extended his hand toward Cavendish. Offering a wink and his most charming smile, Dakota asked, “Would you do me the honor of joining me for a dance, my good sir.”

Balthazar shook his head and chuckled at his partner’s ridiculous antics as he took Vinnie’s hand.

“Do you even know how to dance, Dakota?” Cavendish questioned.

“Can I dance? My moms taught me everything I know from the two-step waltz to the chainsaw. I know how to tango with the best of them, both vertically and horizontally,” Vinnie replied, raising his eyebrows for comedic effect.

Balthazar’s cheeks colored to match the shade of his lipstick.

Clearing his throat, Cavendish said, “Well then, do you want to lead? Or should I?”

“We could switch? See who leads the best… which, of course, is yours truly.”

“Are you suggesting we have a competition? During a mission that, if we fail, could bring the world into a plant-themed apocalypse?”

“Yes, yes I am.”

Balthazar’s eyes seemed to sparkle at the idea of a challenge.

“You’re on.”

Pulling Dakota to the edge of the dance floor, as to not stray too far from their target, Cavendish took the lead first in a simple ballroom waltz. While sending occasional glance in Brick and Savannah’s direction, the duo tried their hardest to one-up each other. Vinnie definitely outclassed his partner when it came to creative moves, Balthazar had him beat with his grace and god-like strength. For every electric slide and moonwalk that Dakota performed, Cavendish would match him with his twirls, dips, and some very impressive lifts. The first lift sent Vinnie’s heart into a fluttering mess from both surprise and pleasure.

Songs passed and the two time travelers were genuinely enjoying themselves despite the weight of their self-imposed mission. Dakota was in the middle of laughing at his own joke he tried to distract Balthazar with about a snail wearing gogo boots when a flicker of movement by the hors d'oeuvres table caught his eye.

Pulling himself close to Cavendish, Vinnie whispered into his ear, “Yo, something’s going down at the snack bar. Dip me so I can see what’s up.”

Not wasting anytime, Balthazar did so, lowering Dakota as low as he possibly could. Vinnie quickly scanned the scene to find Savannah and Brick whispering to each other and looking at him suspiciously. 

“Shit,” Vinnie hissed as quietly as possible when Cavendish brought him back up again, “I think they spotted us… well, me at the very least. Must have recognized my laugh or something.”

Balthazar cursed, “Bloody hell, we have to make ourselves scarce. Possibly come up with a different plan.”

“Yeah, otherwise we’re so boned.”

Dakota swore he could see the mental lightbulb turn on above Cavendish’s head.

“What you said has given me an idea, Dakota.”

Vinnie’s eyes widened and he stammered out, “Wait what?”

Before Dakota could question his partner further, it was Balthazar’s turn to whisper something into the other’s ear.

“Just follow my lead and act like you are a love-struck fool.”

Considering Vinnie already was one, he figured he could play that part better than any rom com star ever could.

“Can do, captain,” Dakota replied, surprised at how calm he sounded.

“Splendid.”

When Cavendish backed away, Vinnie was met with a mind-blowing transformation. Armed with half-hooded eyes and a devious smirk, Balthazar took ahold of one of his partner’s hands and playfully tugged him through the crowd of dancers and away from the dance floor. Dakota can’t remember how many times he has dreamed of this exact scenario. Okay, well not the being chased by the top agents of the Time Bureau part, but everything else was scarily accurate.

‘We wouldn’t actually bone, right? We just need a place to hide where they think we’re boning, that’s all. No hot closet sex for us today, no sir. I mean… he would never- he’s too prudish to- he’s just playing this up to get away without raising suspicion. We good, we cool. This is fine.’

It was at this moment that Vinnie found himself being pushed into the closet farthest from the dance floor, having been too distracted by his thoughts to notice they had arrived. Cheeks heating to what felt a thousand degrees, a small ‘oh no’ floated through Dakota’s head as Balthazar swiftly shut the door. Looking amidst the suit jackets, one which happened to be Vinnie’s, Cavendish found a chair up against the back wall and shoved it under the door, effectively locking them inside.

 

“There!” Balthazar announced, “Neither Brick or Savannah would have the gall to open this door. Everyone knows you never open a locked closet at a party lest you want an eyeful of naked limbs.”

Dakota chuckled awkwardly as he slumped against the wall, totally not thinking about the small space between them or of Cavendish being naked.

“Yeah, totally. Perfect hiding spot for sure. 11/10 would hide here again.” 

For the most part, Vinnie was relieved. Their new habit of ‘making out’ during missions, while always enjoyable, were taking their toll. Being so close to the dumb idiot Dakota fell for and not being together was the equivalent of pureeing his heart with a blender. Vinnie knew there was no chance in any timeline that he’d be lucky enough to get with Cav… he didn’t even earn that chance in the first place. Balthazar deserved to be loved someone who could competently protect him and fully appreciate him. Dakota was just a sad, desperate fool who couldn’t let go or learn from his mistakes. Cavendish’s friendship was enough, more than what Vinnie was even worthy of. Now, if only Vinnie could shove the small, guilty part of him that thrived on these encounters out of his mind window.

Dakota nearly shrieked in surprised when he heard a door slamming in the distance.

“My God,” Balthazar said, voice filled with distaste, “Do these heathens not know the proper etiquette of partying?”

“Well, they ain’t the best of the best for nothin’. Must’ve smelled our ploy like you would a 3 ton block of limburger in 30 mile radius.”

The sound of another door being thrown open rang through the air.

“Then we need to make this cheese moldy.”

“Actually, that’s how most cheese are mad-” Vinnie began and was rudely interrupted by Cavendish grabbing his face and covering it with a flurry of quick pecks. 

Balthazar then hastily moved to pull the bowtie away from Dakota’s neck and popped off the first four buttons of his dress shirt. Despite the pounding of his heart, Vinnie tried his hardest to play it off.

“Oh come on, dude,” Dakota bemoaned, “You know how long that damn thing took to get on.”

When Cavendish messed up Vinnie’s (for once) neat hair that was the last straw.

Dakota swatted his partner’s hands away, which immediately moved to mess up Balthazar’s own do, and asked in an agitated tone, “Okay, what are you trying to accomplish here? If it’s to make me annoyed and horny, you are defo succeeding.”

Ignoring Vinnie’s comment will every microliter of his willpower, Balthazar started his hushed explanation as another closet door crashed into wall next to them.

“If we are to lead Brick and Savannah off our trail, we need to pretend we are in the middle of a sexual encounter and thus distract them from discovering our identities,” Cavendish turned his back towards Dakota. “Help me unzip my dress.”

Vinnie pondered this logic for a moment as he helped his partner.

“That… that actually makes sense.”

Balthazar twisted back to face his partner, the dress now hanging loosely from his shoulders. Not that Dakota noticed or anything like that.

“Human awkwardness is a powerful tool when used correctly, especially if we can play our cards right,” Cavendish replied with a smug grin.

The door knob rattled ominously as Vinnie’s mind reeled at Balthazar’s surprisingly clever scheme.

“Huh. For once in your life, you actually had a good idea, Cav. If we get outta this alive, drinks are on me.”

Even in the dim lighting, Vinnie swore he could see the steam escaping from Cavendish’s ears. 

“I-! You-! Gah!” Balthazar exclaimed in a low tone as he waved his arms in frustration.

Cavendish quickly settled, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration.

“We can argue about this later. For now,” Balthazar placed his hands on Dakota’s shoulders, “Let’s give these spoilsports a show they will never forget. As long as you are okay with doing so, of course.”

There were at least a thousand and one reasons why Vinnie shouldn’t agree to this plan. However, judging by the continued rattling of the door knob and amount of cursing coming from the other side of the door, Dakota didn’t have much of a choice. That, and Vinnie would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t want to do this the moment they got into the closet.

“Hell yeah, we’ll be so nasty we’ll make Avenue Q look tame.”

Cavendish nodded determinedly and decisively pushed his partner against the closet wall, wrapping a slender leg around Dakota’s hip. They shared a final look and then Balthazar went straight for the neck. Balthazar nipped, licked, and sucked along the length of his partner’s jaw and throat as Vinnie struggled to keep from moaning. Scrambling for place to latch onto, Dakota buried one hand in his partner’s hair with the other resting on Cavendish’s hip. Grabbing the latter hand, Balthazar moved it under his dress and right onto his ass. From what Vinnie could feel, it seemed like his partner was wearing a pair of lacey panties. This can’t be real, Dakota must have actually died from drowning and this was actually heaven. There was just no way Cavendish would ever be this forward and confident.

“Remember,” Cavendish mumbled into his partner’s neck, “we need to give a convincing performance. Don’t be afraid to let loose and go with the flow.”

“Holy fucking shit, Cav. Fuck,” Vinnie breathed out, “you act like you’re a professional.”

Balthazar smirked against the other’s skin.

“You don’t everything about me,” and with that said latched onto a sensitive part of Dakota’s jaw.

A high pitched whine escaped Vinnie as he gripped tightly onto Cavendish and dragged him closer, their hips now flushed against each other. The action cause Balthazar to let go of his jaw with a groan. Cavendish’s lips then connecting to Dakota’s in an opened mouth kiss and dragging him into an exciting round of tongue wrestling. Hands buried in the other’s thick curls, Balthazar started a slow and teasing grind against Vinnie. As his own hips followed suit, Dakota tried to tell himself that this was all an act… that this didn’t mean anything to either of them. Yet, with his partner’s growing erection pressing against him and Vinnie’s own boxers becoming damp, it was hard to sell himself on the truth of the situation. 

And then the door disintegrated, leaving the chair to fall down to the ground without its support. The two ‘lovers’ paused in their movements, looking over at the two agents standing in front of the closet. Judging by the way Savannah was blowing smoke away from her laser gun, she must have gotten frustrated with their lack of progress and took the situation into her own hands. Meanwhile, Brick, not having noticed their compromising situation, rattled off a rant.

“Dakota, you bumbling moron! You just had to go and violate more direct orders didn’t you, you little shit! Mr. Block told you not to interfere with our mission and yet here you are! As soon as we finally finish this pointless mission, I am so going to Mr. Block and report-”

Brick chose at this moment to actually glance at the interlocked duo and immediately clammed up, face going from a deep tan to a brilliant crimson. For the most part, Savannah seemed unfazed with only a slight frown pulling at her lips.

“Well, this is one thing I didn’t need to see today,” she calmly remarked.

In one fluid motion, Balthazar detached himself from Vinnie, facing the Bureau’s finest with crossed arms and a cocked hip.

“Well, well, well…” Cavendish drawled out in a Southern accent that’d put most country stars to shame, “Y’all too impatient ta wait yer turn? ‘Cause I found him first.”

Out of all the accents to choose from, of course Balthazar had to pick the one that sent Dakota spiraling to the splash zone. Good thing he didn’t rent this suit. Savannah raised an eyebrow, those high cheek bones barely gaining any color. Brick, on the other hand, looked about ready to die from sheer embarrassment as he spluttered out that he would never do that with Dakota or anyone else who looked like him.

‘Rude,’ Vinnie thought to himself.

“We apologize. My partner and I, we thought your,” Savannah did a quick once over of Dakota, the flush gaining more color, “… friend was someone else.”

“Well ain’t that a darn shame. He sure is missin’ out on a good time. Ain’t that right, my sweet lil’ peach pie,” Cavendish purred, turning back to Vinnie and caressing his face with one hand.

As much as Dakota wanted to speak like a normal person, a choked squeak in agreement was the best he could manage.

“Now, do y’all mind? Me and my friend, as you say, got some important business we need to attend to,” Balthazar said, gesturing a dismissive wave at Brick and Savannah, “Go on now, get.”

Savannah rolled her eyes, her gait smooth and confident as she walked away while Brick nearly beefed it in his efforts to escape this nightmare of a situation. The mussed up duo exited the closet and watched them leave, waiting until Brick and Savannah were out of sight before they dared to break character.

“Wha-” Dakota’s voice cracked, prompting him to clear his throat, “Okay I’m cool, I’m good. Where the hell did that accent come from? Were you a Southern belle in your former life or did you just possess one?”

Cavendish smoothed out his dress and fixed his hair as he replied, “A true gentleman never reveals their secrets. You should know that by now.”

“But your Southern accent sounded way more legit than your real one?! Like, how the fuck, my dude?”

Before Balthazar could answer, a loud crash followed by someone shouting ‘FUCK’ came from the main ballroom. Sending each other a confused look, they rushed to the end of the hall and peeked around the corner. They were instantly met with the sight of the table and Brick on the ground, both covered with destroyed pistachio hors d'oeuvres. Many of the guests had stopped dancing at this point, looking onto the scene with concern in their eyes or barely containing their laughter. Savannah, once cool and collected, seemed to burn with an intense fury that could probably scare away a honey badger. Currently, she was berating Brick, calling him every name under the sun for fucking up their mission as bad as he did. Dakota and Cavendish decided they had seen enough, slowly backing away and then breaking into a run once they reached the exit, giggling like maniacs the entire time.

Once they were far enough away from the building, Vinnie stopped and put his hands on his knees as he wheezed, “Holy shit, I can’t believe that actually happened.”

“I know! Brick must have been so embarrassed that he ran into the fucking table!” Balthazar cackled, face alight with absolute glee, “Us, the buffoons of the Bureau, embarrassed the so called ‘Best of the Best’ so much that they destroyed their mission objective! Guess who the idiot is now, Mr. Block?! Not us!”

During this rant, Cavendish kept skipping and twirling and throwing his hands in the air in victory. Seeing Balthazar like this, so dorky and genuinely excited about their success, Dakota couldn’t help but fall deeper in the hole called love that he dug himself into.

“Yeah,” Vinnie agreed, voice filled affection, “but you’re still a huge dork, though.”

Cavendish punched him in the arm affectionately, his lipstick smeared lips still smiling brightly. 

“At least I’m not a dunce like you are.”

“Pffftt, rude,” Dakota playfully groused, “Anyway, I’m ready to get outta these fancy garbage clothes and get some takeout. Maybe watch a movie? What do you say, Cav?”

Balthazar’s face softened and said warmly, “Nothing would make me happier, Dakota.”


	5. Toys Are Not Sentimental (How Could I Be For Rental?)

____“It’s too bad we have to return it so soon,” Dakota pouted, aiming the age regressor directly at Cavendish. “I woulda liked to see you as a little tot.”

Cavendish scowled at him, and Dakota (wisely) lowered it. “After everything, do you really think Mr. Block needs more incentive to fire us? Let’s just hope no one has already noticed it’s missing.” After the fiasco at Murphy’s school earlier, Dakota had agreed to return the dreadful thing to its rightful place without a fight. But that promise seemed to be slipping his mind.

“You never let me have fun,” Dakota complained, sounding too much like the toddler version of himself. The man had never grown up, not really. He was incapable of taking anything seriously. Everything was a big game to him, and Cavendish cleaning up his messes didn’t help that. Well, Dakota had his flaws, and Cavendish did too. Hopeless devotion, for example.

“If you weren’t constantly threatening our jobs, then maybe I could risk it,” Cavendish grumbled back at him.

“Bet if you were five, you’d be more fun,” Dakota mused, twisting the dial on the barrel, as if he was actually considering using it. Honestly, Cavendish couldn’t tell anymore. He had no idea what was going on in his head, and not from lack of trying. Everytime he tried to get close to him, Dakota built up another wall, switched up his behavior, did whatever it took to keep Cavendish at arms length. Cavendish hoped things would be different after how close they had gotten, physically speaking, at the party. It felt different to him. To have Dakota intertwined between his limbs was heaven. The heat of skin, the flutter of his heart, like a spell that put Cavendish under and told him he was wanted. Dakota did not have to speak a word to be able to lie to him.

He hoped Dakota would open a door, or at least a window, for Cavendish to crawl through and learn who exactly his partner was. Maybe it was Cavendish’s fault for not getting the sledgehammer out and forcing his way in. Maybe Dakota needed someone who could hold their ground, who had the endurance to tear his defenses down brick by brick. Did he need someone who wasn’t Cavendish, or did he just not want him? The thought twisted his gut into a knot. Was he falling for someone who hated him?

He could see Dakota closing back up as the evening had dragged on. He stopped laughing with him and went back to laughing at him. The next day at work he was the way he had always been, and now they were here, and it could not be more obvious that Dakota did not care about him.

“I will not hesitate to report you, agent,” Cavendish hissed.

Dakota was taken aback. He blinked a couple times, before speaking louder than he should’ve, considering they were breaking the rules, “Aw, what? You can’t take me off a last name basis! That’s-that’s not even a basis! We might as well be strangers!”

“We might as well be!” Cavendish snapped back.

Dakota’s face fell, and Cavendish’s chest stung. He just couldn’t deal with this right now. The day had been stressful, trying to make sure baby Dakota didn’t kill himself before he could rebuild the machine-if he even could! He had been stuck second guessing the only thing he was any good at. If he hadn’t been able to fix it, he would’ve had to go back in time, break more rules, make more of a mess. If only he was smarter, he would have fixed the stupid thing in half the time.

So caught up in mulling over what had happened just a few hours ago, Cavendish nearly forgot he had snapped at Dakota. He snuck a guilty look at him. He clutched the regressor to his chest with one hand, chewing on the knuckles of his freed one. Cavendish wanted to apologize instinctually, but he stopped himself. Why should he be the one apologizing? Dakota shouldn’t have been stealing in the first place. This was his fault. And not just this. Dakota has a lot to apologize for, and would he? No! So why should Cavendish?

They continued on in stiff silence. Finally they reached the correct storage unit, judging by Dakota fumbling with the control panel until it opened. The room was cramped, walls lined with cabinets and a small desk with a chair situated awkwardly not quite at the center. Cavendish stood near the door, shifting his weight from foot to foot as Dakota put the device back where he had snatched it from. Crouching down, faced away from him, Cavendish was reminded of their first mission together. He didn’t know anything about Dakota back then.

_Handsome_ was the first word that came to mind when Cavendish was introduced. _Confident_ was quick to follow. But _not into you_ would’ve been a more effective first thought. That would’ve saved him the heartbreak. Tragedy was not nearly as romantic as the poems made it out to be. It was just lonely. And not the quiet, long suffering type of loneliness, but a painful sort that keeps you up through the night. Whenever he thought he was getting used to it, it would evolve into a worse ache. He thought he could handle the kissing, he thought his skin was tough enough, but Dakota managed to pierce him again. It almost feels nice, the raw pain, until Dakota leaves, and he’s bleeding out on his own. The blood just never seems to stop.

Dakota stood up slowly, turning back to Cavendish. In the barely lit room with his sunglasses on, trying to read his expression was impossible. Dakota stepped closer, lips parted, speaking with the low rumble of distant thunder, “There’s-I hear-somebody-“

Without any further explanation, Dakota cupped his jaw and pulled him into a kiss. It was uncharacteristically gentle, as if Dakota was afraid he’d blow away like flower petals if he kissed him too roughly. His heart certainly felt in full bloom.

For a delicate moment, Cavendish was not afraid of anything. He only tasted the lasting hint of coffee on Dakota’s tongue. There was another taste too, something sweet that Cavendish couldn’t place. His hands were in Dakota’s hair now, his body taking over in this dreamlike state, his fingers interlocking between his thick locks. It was like touching a cloud, or… _cotton candy_. That was what he tasted like. Pure sugar melting on his tongue. The word soft wouldn’t begin to cover it.

But the unfortunate thing about moments is that they always end, and usually too soon. Cavendish shoved Dakota off of him, panicking as fear seized him again and pushing with a little more force than he meant. Dakota stumbled backwards with wide eyes, almost toppling over.

“Is this a game to you?” Cavendish hissed, trying through sheer willpower alone to dissipate his blush. His heart was still racing, but now he was feeling more like a trapped hare than a lover.

“Wuh, nuh,” Dakota pointed at the open doorway, struggling to form words but at least managing to keep his voice hushed, “There was someone walkin’ by and I didn’t want you to get in trouble so I-“

“Oh, that’s rich,” Cavendish snorted humorlessly. “ _You_ didn’t want _me_ to get in trouble? If you didn’t want that, you wouldn’t have taken the bloody tool in the first place! You-you wouldn’t have done _anything_  that you do, but you did do it, because you don’t care about anybody but yourself! The regressor didn’t need to be used on you, you’re already a selfish brat!”

Dakota flinched. His face was more hurt than angry, as if he had any right to feel like the used one in their situation. “I was trying to help!”

“You can’t just-you can’t play with me like that! I was very upset with you, and you-you did-you kissed me! I don’t exist for your amusement! I’m not a toy, I have feelings! But I’m sure that’s part of the fun for you,” Cavendish’s fury evaporated into horror as he realized the weight of that statement. Dakota knew he had feelings for him, and he thought it was funny. “Do you enjoy winding me up?”

“Cav, I don’t-“ Dakota reached out for him.

“Don’t touch me,” Cavendish choked out. He wrapped his arms around himself, staring at the floor. He couldn’t bear to look Dakota in the eyes. “It’s time you grow up for real.”

There was silence. It was heavy, and Cavendish felt as though he was going to crumple beneath it. Finally, Dakota spoke at his normal volume, “I’d never hurt you on purpose. I hope you know that.”

Cavendish glanced up and saw that Dakota had taken off his glasses. There were those breathtaking mismatched eyes, looking at Cavendish with such soft compassion he was convinced for a moment he really was a ragdoll at Dakota’s mercy. Despite this spell he had over him, the power he wielded, Dakota almost looked vulnerable. He tried for a smile, but his eyes were sad. They spoke of a weary spirit, of hardship Cavendish could not begin to comprehend.

Dakota was full of secrets. That much had always been obvious. Cavendish wished that he saw him as an equal, as someone he could rely on. Someone he could tell those secrets to. Someone he could love. Instead, Dakota treated him like a puppet, dragging him this way and that for the sake of a laugh. Playing him for a fool all while acting so far above it. And Cavendish let him. There was a feeling of safety when you had someone else pulling your strings for you. And if it goes on for long enough, you might even start to mistake the sensation for being loved.

Cavendish’s shoulders slumped. “I don’t know.” This time he did not spit his words. “I can’t tell anymore.”

Dakota nodded slowly. “Yeah, I think that one’s on me.” He attempted to laugh, but the sound was a little pathetic. Somewhere between a wheeze and a cough. He scratched the back of his head. “I don’t think I know how to fix it, either.”

Cavendish took a deep breath. He spoke with all the confidence he could muster, “I didn’t know how to fix the device. I didn’t even know where to start. I was scared maybe I-” his voice broke, “maybe I lost you for good, or something.” He cleared his throat in an attempt to coax his voice back into its correct range. “But I tried. Even though I was scared. And I got you, and everyone else, back to normal.”

Dakota gave him a half smile. “Yeah, m’proud of you.”

“What I’m trying to say, uh, I’m trying to say I need you to try.” Cavendish met his eyes again. “Even if you can’t fix it.”

“You’re so _good_ -“ Dakota snorted, and something about his tone made it seem more like an insult than a compliment. He glanced away briefly. “‘Course I’m gonna try.”

Cavendish stepped closer to him. “Can we start with a little-just start with some trust? Tell me what’s going on with you.”

Dakota put his glasses back on, lifting his shoulders halfheartedly. “I dunno what you’re talking about.”

Cavendish had been a fool to think he could get through to him. It didn’t matter what he did. He’d never be enough for Dakota. He wiped at his eyes hurriedly, tears of frustration and defeat pricking the corners. His face heated up, shame coursing through him for being so weak. He tried to sound cold, “Right. Sorry. You’ve already decided this is none of my business.”

“Come on, man,” Dakota pleaded, barely audible, “Don’t do this.” He wasn’t sorry. If he was sorry, he’d tell him the truth. He was just annoyed. It must be very annoying when your toys refused to play along.

He was wrong to have called Dakota a child. At least as a child he had been kind.

Cavendish turned a sharp 180 on his heel, fixing his hat and straightening out his waistcoat. He spoke slowly, “If we stay here any longer we’re bound to get caught. I’ll see you-I’ll see you tomorrow, agent. Try to be professional.”

“Wait!”

Cavendish only meant to send him a cool gaze over his shoulder, but then he saw Dakota aiming the device at him again and turned around completely. He scoffed in disbelief, “Are you serious?”

Dakota shrugged, with the wild, reckless eyes that sent Cavendish’s heart racing (in a good way or not, he hadn’t decided yet), not lowering the ray. “I dunno, but I am serious when I say I wanna fix this.”

Cavendish rolled his eyes. He didn’t have time for this. “No, you just want things to go back to how they were. When you could do whatever you liked without consequence.” The time he was referring to was barely eleven minutes ago, but his point still stood. He started to walk away, when he was zapped with a rush of electricity.

And he was in the body of a five year old.

At least he had it on the setting that didn’t affect memory, but that was the last thing Cavendish was thinking in that moment. He spun around again and Dakota looked more surprised than he did. Cavendish wanted to scream, but remembered their illegal situation so it just fizzled out into a very long, repressed groan. “You thon of a bitch.”

Dakota tried very hard not laugh at him but the effort was in vain. Cavendish yanked open the closest drawer in a huff and took out the meanest looking device in his line of sight, pointing it at Dakota and firing without thinking twice. Dakota stopped laughing. In fact, he didn’t move at all. Cavendish blinked down at the device in his little hand.

“Huh. Freethe ray.”

He had never seen one used before, but he understood the concept. It kept the subject stopped at a certain moment, while time kept moving around it. After checking it over, he discovered there was no reverse button on it. He put it back in its spot, closing the door much gentler than how he opened it. “Maybe we could uthe a hair dryer, thaw you out.” None of the lowest level drawers contained anything helpful. It would be a lot easier to search if he was the proper age. He walked over to Dakota and stood on his tiptoes, struggling to try and grab the ray out of his hands but falling short.

Cavendish heaved a sigh, trudging over to the single desk in the room and dragging the chair over to Dakota. He climbed up onto the chair and tried again to take the device, but Dakota’s fingers would not budge.

“How are you thtill cauthing me trouble?” Cavendish whined. He put his foot against Dakota to brace himself as he tried once more to yank it free. The chair ended up toppling over and taking Cavendish down with it. He sat back up, rubbing the sore spot on the back of his head. “Thith ith thupid, and it’th your fault.”

He didn’t get a response. He wasn’t expecting one. He laid back down, arms outstretched on either side of him. The tiles were pretty dusty but he didn’t care. As the tension in the room cleared and Cavendish caught his breath, he realized how ridiculous he was being. “No, it’th my fault too. I let you do it. I jutht like to thee you happy.” He snorted at himself. “And that’th going great. You detherve your privathy. If you don’t want to tell me thingth, you don’t have to. I jutht...I’d like to be a bigger part of your life, I gueth. But you don’t owe me that.”

Dakota continued to stand there, aiming the regressor at the empty air. His eyes were still wide from his final shock. “I’ve never theen you tho quiet. You make a wonderful thtatue.” Cavendish was rubbing his fingers over his upper lip. It had been forever since he had been mustache-less. He was such a scrawny kid, too. He had forgotten what that felt like. Where did he find the strength to be so fiery back then? “Did you ever think it would end like thith? Betrayed by your own partner. I mean, you totally had it coming. For all the thtupid argumentth, and the bad joketh, and how you made my heart beat tho fatht. I hated it,” Cavendish did not sound very convincing. “It wath all dumb. But-but maybe it wath a good kind of dumb.”

Cavendish rolled onto his stomach so he wasn’t looking at Dakota anymore, squishing his cheek against the floor. “We’re going to get caught, but at leatht they’ll be able to fickth you. That’th worth getting in trouble for.”

“Aw, that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever lisped at me.”

Dakota walked around and sat in front of him. Apparently there had been no reverse button because its effect was limited. That would’ve been nice to know in advance. “We cool?”

Cavendish wanted to glare at him and say something witty, but his little body had other plans and he started crying instead. He whimpered, and within a second the waterworks were on full blast. Dakota nearly went pale, “oh my god, please don’t do that.”

Cavendish crawled into his lap, wrapping his arms around him tightly. He didn’t care about looking weak or needy or anything really, all he knew was he wanted to be as close to Dakota as possible. Dakota returned the hug, patting his back and using that deep voice of his to comfort him, “It’s okay, you’re okay. Everything’s alright, little guy. Nothing to cry about. Let me just-“ He shifted awkwardly around him, and Cavendish heard the soft click of the regressor’s dial. He felt that electricity shoot through him again, and he was back to his normal age. He stopped crying, but he was still sitting in Dakota’s lap.

Dakota flashed a nervous grin at him. When he looked at him like that, Cavendish felt sure in his heart that what Dakota said was true. He would never hurt him. “We’re cool.” Cavendish answered his question from earlier.

Dakota smiled for real, and it almost blinded Cavendish with its brightness. “So, uh, I kinda retained sapience-er, sentience? One of ‘em-through all that, which was kinda nightmarish, they should outlaw those rays, but I mean-what I’m trying to say is I did hear you and I’m gonna try to-uh, actually hear you. So like, I’ll be more open and-“

“You’re back to normal for two minutes and you already can’t stop talking,” Cavendish interrupted. There were a lot of things he wanted to say and a lot of things he wanted Dakota to say, but this was hardly the time or place. He heard footfalls from across the hall and exchanged a look with Dakota. He whispered, “once more, then you put that away, and we call it a day.”

Dakota nodded quickly, not making another sound as Cavendish pressed their lips together. 


End file.
